“I felt cruddy last week, and I was thankful it was not COVID, Strep, or Flu.”
You might hear that sentence and think it sounds a bit grammatically off. To you it might sound better to say, “I felt cruddy last week, but I was thankful it was not COVID, Strep, or Flu.”
So, was my use of “and” a grammatical error?
“But” is used to introduce a phrase or clause contrasting with what has already been mentioned. It’s also an exclusionary way of putting things. To my mind, “and” was a better way of putting how I felt last week because I was feeling both cruddy and grateful at the same time.
Human beings are fascinating in that we can feel more than one emotion at a time.
There is this commonly misquoted scripture, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Many people think it says to give thanks for all circumstances. That’s way too tall an order. I don’t think we are expected to give thanks for all our circumstances. Besides, the scripture truly reads, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.”
Now that I can do. Anyone can do that. There is always something to be grateful for. You can be grateful in terrible circumstances. I used to regularly visit Haven for Hope, a program for individuals experiencing homelessness in San Antonio. I went there to once a month to support a class on spirituality. The individuals in that class were going through the rough circumstance of not having a home. It was still possible for the participants to write a list at the beginning of the class of 10 things they were thankful for. Common examples were food, shelter, a bed, and basic hygiene items. But in no way did the exercise minimize their difficult circumstances or negate the emotions that came with all that. They were both in a jam and grateful at the same time.
We can live in both/and because of paradox - a situation, person, thing, or ideas that combines contradictory features or qualities. It a spiritual state. Not an easy one to wrap our minds around, but that’s OK. I’ve of the opinion good spirituality or good theology stretches us, and…… kind of hurts our brains.
Next time you go to say “but,” in a sentence, think about it first. Would “and” be a better word to use?
If we held ourselves, and our circumstances lightly, aware of the many paradoxical states we live in ….would we experience a more authentic spirituality? Or even a better world? When we consider the words of theologian Richard Rohr on the topic of paradox, that seems like a likely outcome. Although one does not need to be religious to benefit from the concept of paradox, his words are compelling.
He writes, “True participation in paradox liberates us from our own control towers and for the compelling and overarching vision of the Reign of God – where there are no liberals or conservatives. Here, the paradoxes – life and death, success and failure, loyalty to what is and risk for what needs to be – do not fight with each other but lie in an endless embrace.”
If you’re finding it difficult to feel thankful after the crazy couple of years we have had, no worries. You can still be thankful and have all the feelings these unprecedented times have brought about. To my mind, it’s a profound spiritual practice to honor all the feelings and be thankful. This prayer by Reverend Connie Simon, First Unitarian Church of Cincinnati does so beautifully.
Spirit of Life,
We have been plagued this year by a tiny yet powerful virus that has ravaged our world, disrupted our daily existence, and taken too many lives.
We have been distressed by economic uncertainty, and many of us continue to struggle financially.
We have been racked by political divisiveness that has torn apart families and friendships.
We have been troubled by racial injustice and prejudice that continues to divide us at a time when we need one another more than ever.
We are tired.
And still, we are grateful.
Grateful for the earth that produces the food we eat.
Grateful for the hands that grow it, tend it, deliver it, and prepare it.
Grateful for the warmth of the sun and shelter from the cold.
Grateful for those who work to heal our sickness.
Grateful for our families and friends, even though we may find ourselves apart this Thanksgiving.
Grateful for another opportunity to begin again in love to address our differences and mend our relationships.
Grateful for the gift of life itself.
Amen
Have a safe, wonderful, (and paradoxical) Thanksgiving my friends. If you enjoy the food and life’s paradoxes, you’ll eat for two. It will be a feast for the body and a feast for the soul.
I thank you for reading, be blessed this day.
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