My friends, I will not be in today or for the next two weeks. I have been exposed to an individual who was symptomatic and was found to have COVID 19 shortly thereafter. I am available to you and to patients via the telephone, my number is located at the nurses’ station for each unit. I am asymptomatic, please feel free to call.
The individual did not go out intentionally while sick. Still, I felt resentment and anger welling up inside me. I decided to approach these feelings with a sense of curiosity. If you have attended chapel service before, you know this is an approach I often recommend. I found I was not truly angry at the person involved. I was not even angry at the way things have been handled, I knew everyone has been doing their best. My anger was at the whole nebulous concept of COVID 19. My anger melted away to concern and care for this individual. I checked in with their family. They are doing alright so far and have the resources they need.
Since this is the second time I have been quarantined, you might think I know the drill, and this might be a walk in the park – a part of life now in the time of COVID 19. I was tempted to think that, too, but took some time to REALLY check in with how I was feeling after I got the news. I spend a little time in a body scan and checking in with my emotions.
I am here to tell you; quarantine is just as anxiety producing the second time around as it was the first time. For me, anyway. Is the tickle in my throat I normally have due to allergies something that will get worse? I get up from my chair, and go to the coffee pot, taking a whiff – oh, good – I can still smell. I go down that rabbit hole once again – what if the worse happens?
Again, I realize just as I did the first time I was quarantined – it has been a wonderful ride, I have had a marvelous life. I find that very comforting. That wonderful life I attribute to dedication to this wonderful scripture from Matthew 6:33:
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
In merely seeking the kingdom, or that still, quiet, and warm place of love within, I have been given so much. Work I adore. People I dearly love. Shelter, food. I have so much to be grateful for! I found myself forming a mental list of all the incredible events of my lifetime. It was glorious!
Most of all, once again, I found myself profoundly grateful for my inseparable relationship with the Divine. Once again, I understand I am quarantined, but never alone:
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” - From Deuteronomy 31:8
Once again, I open my heart and mind. In being honest with myself, and exploring all these uncomfortable feelings have provided a shift of awareness to the Truth of a palpable and indescribably close experience of the Divine:
"Closer is He than breathing. And nearer than hands and feet." - Alfred Lord Tennyson
Will I feel anxious again at some point in this process? Naturally. I am human. But I will also come to understand again that God’s love within us all is greater than any human circumstance and help is always available to me:
"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep."
- From Psalm 121
Once again, I know I will always come to the realization that Mary Baker Eddy worded best:
"Divine Love always has, and always will, meet every human need."
I look forward to seeing you again in two weeks’ time, my friends. Know that I am fine. Know that I am upholding you in my heartfelt prayers until we meet again!
I thank you for reading and be blessed this day.
P.S. Almost forgot to pick out a song for you. We have listened to a verity of music since we cannot sing in chapel service, from religious to secular. You just never know what I will come up with!
Here is an upbeat one that may date me. “Turn it On Again,” by Genesis - because it appears, I have flipped a switch of faith and activated it again today. And you can, too. I am sure of it.
Comments