“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.” ― Maya Angelou
I have been watching myself rather carefully lately. Living in unprecedented times might be a good reason one to do that. The swirl of emotions that arise from things strange and new can be overwhelming.
Last week was my week to ask myself, “How am I coping? Is that working?”
Now that might sound a little narcissistic. But I am fond of the practice of taking a personal inventory and doing my best to stay honest with myself.
The adage “To thine own self be true,” (often misattributed to the Bible) is an ancient one. It is attributed most often to Shakespeare. In Act 1, Scene III of the famous play, Hamlet, Polonius has spoke these words of advice to his son, Laertes, when he leaves for Paris. He says:
“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”
Polonius believes that a person can be harmless and good to others when he has sufficient resources to care for himself. So, it is important to take care of yourself first, then take care of others.
As wise as that is, the phrase “to thine own self be true” has taken on additional meanings over time. Largely, it has to do with honesty and commitment.
For our proposes here, being honest with oneself, without harshing on oneself, is the primary meaning.
Asking the questions, “How am I feeling? How am I doing? and How can I do better?” are spiritual practices. I asked myself, what came to my mind was, of all things, was music.
What? I know I was confused at first, too. I lead the music at every digital chapel service I give at CMMC. But something was missing, still. I started to think of different songs I liked.
The first song that came to mind was a song the music team at my church played and specifically chose for a Sunday message I gave there. I was quite touched because the song was completely new to them, they took it on specifically for that Sunday.
The message topic was prayer, and they found this lovely song written by a minister I know in Houston. He is the only minister I know that keeps an active ordination in two denominations. Perhaps this is why his music has such a universal appeal, and he is such a likable person in general. Listen for yourself and see.
I thought of many other songs I enjoy listening to. In the secular realm (at the risk of you discerning my age) a favorite artist of mine is Jackson Browne. Deep and meaningful lyrics just get to me, and his knack for rhyming such thoughts in a poetic manner just amazes me. Two of my favorite singers cover one of his songs here and I just love it:
As I worked in the office at my church, before COVID 19, I always played some sort of ambient background music. Something like this:
I realized I no longer did so. I no longer played any sort of music for fun, really. My only musical experiences I’ve been having were on Sunday at church, and to prepare for chapel service.
This reminded me of a common story I once heard and can be found online from a number of sources.
“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a shaman or medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions:
When did you stop Dancing?
When did you stop Singing?
When did you stop being enchanted by Stories?
When did you stop finding comfort in the sweet territory of Silence?
Dancing, singing, storytelling, and silence are the four universal healing salves and where we have stopped them is where we have experienced the loss of soul.” ~ Gabrielle Roth
When did I stop listening to music for pleasure? (Obviously, my healing salve.)
When COVID 19 came about and all that came with it.
Well, and can you blame me? How many of us have had some sort of loss in this time?
Loss of Soul? I am of the thought one can never lose their soul, but it sure can feel like it sometimes.
I realized that story about shamans might be the most effective and shortest personal inventory ever. I leave it here in case you might want to take a personal inventory, too.
My only advise if you do that? To thine own self be true.
I immediately took some corrective action after my personal inventory, and the ambient music is back. I now take some time in the evening to go listen to music online. So many musicians cannot play to large groups right now and offer free miniconcerts online with a PayPal tip jar. Noodle around on Facebook if you are curious, I promise you will find them.
One of my favorites online right now is Daniel Nahmod. He wrote a beautiful song that was played at The Parliament of World Religions. If you listen, you will realize why it was selected, and you will hear the emotion in his voice at the honor of singing it at such an event.
I leave you with that glorious song. If it seems like your soul missing, this song might help you find it.
I thank you for reading and listening…..be blessed this day.
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