One of the questions I ask when I visit someone as a chaplain is, “How do you find comfort?” As you can imagine, I get many different answers: pets, family, crocheting, exercise, from God, in prayer, meditation, talking to a friend. The list goes on and on. These answers are common. Once, I got an answer I had never heard before - time.
I wondered if this had to do with personal growth or maturation. To be mature is to be ripe, ready, and fully grown. Some natural maturation processes are easy to identify, like the duration of a butterfly’s development from egg to cocoon, to adult butterfly. Others are more difficult to pinpoint. For example, you may know some people who, despite having passed their fortieth birthday, still use elementary school level toilet humor.
Yet, I’ve heard some deep insights from seemingly silly people.
The kind of maturation I’m thinking of is more spiritual than physical. We normally associate children’s growth with maturation. When a child reaches a certain age they are considered mature. What many people don’t realize is that spiritual maturation can take much longer than one expects. It is something that may develop over an entire lifetime.
Spiritual maturity is generally defined as “the gradual process of developing healthy and life-giving ways of relating one to oneself, to others, and to the environment.”
Maturation and learning are inter-related activities. However, they are not the same.
Formal learning is the gathering of knowledge and skill with the help of study. Informal learning begins from birth, it’s the learning that comes from observation and experiences.
Maturation, on the other hand, is an act of maturity. It seems to come only with time. The ability to act, react, and behave responsibly all comes from maturity.
This is important to understand. We can’t put the horse before the cart.
Learning must begin when the one is mature enough for that lesson. If learning precedes maturity, it can be a wasted effort. Therefore, spiritual growth and personal growth are possible throughout one’s lifetime because we are always in a process of maturing. This is also why it is a process that is impossible to rush. It requires time.
One could take the viewpoint that this is frustrating, this essential element of time in our personal or spiritual growth. Or one could take great comfort in it, knowing that eventually the answers will come. Or, one could even get excited and happy, looking forward to that time when things will become clearer.
Many years ago, a cancer patient came to see me at a clinic I worked at. She was facing her demise. There was nothing left that the doctors could do for her. She did not have much time left. She had in her hands several bags from the Dollar Store.
“What’s all this for?” I asked.
“Oh, Miss Birdie,” she told me excitedly, “You know what I’m going to do? I have pots, and soil, and seeds here. When I’m get home, I’m going to fill these pots with soil, put the seeds in them, water them and put them on my front porch. You know what I’m going to do then?”
“No, I have no idea.”
“I’m going to sit on my front porch and watch them GROW.”
Since then, I’ve taken my time - I’ve paused to watch all sorts of things grow. Children, potted plants, people around me, and pets. Most importantly, I’ve taken the time to rejoice in my own personal and spiritual growth.
Give it a try yourself. Perhaps, like the person I questioned, you might find comfort in taking your time.
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