Alan Woods, Christian author, scholar, and Theologian is the person who is attributed to saying this rather blunt statement about mortality: “None of us are getting out of here alive."
And perhaps mortality is not a very cheerful topic, but as health care providers we certainly know it to be a fact of life, and something that is on people’s minds these days.
Research tells us that those that cultivate a spiritual life cope better with mortality than those who don’t.
I’m not sure if that’s true.
But I know when I got the news that we were in a global pandemic, my own mortality uncomfortably came to the forefront of my mind.
So much so that finally, I just thought, “OK, fine let’s go down that rabbit hole. Let’s just say I’m dying. What would that be like?”
Well, the thing that came to my mind is that most people who are dying do some sort of life review as they are in that process. So, I did my own life review, and I discovered something lovely – my life has been one wonderful ride. I committed myself to keep living a life where I could still say that on any given day. That was helpful.
But there are other rabbit holes of mortality that are the pits for me to go down. Like the theoretical situation if something happened to my son, or the very real rabbit hole I’m descending into of my father having lung cancer, that we recently discovered has metastasized to his lymph nodes.
Then that research about those with a spiritual life being able to cope with mortality seems ridiculous, and all the things that I might normally take comfort in, you know all the things people say, like “everything happens for a reason” just seem trite.
I’m here to tell you, that’s OK. We all go through times where the problem of suffering seems to overwhelm our theology or belief systems. The Divine can take it. Even Jesus questioned his God as he hung on the cross, crying out, “Why have you forsaken me?”
I think it is important to know that when we do go through that sort of thing….not only can God take it, but asking the question denotes simply that we are in pain and grief. We are not necessarily losing our religion or spirituality.
It’s alright to ask, where is God in this situation?
My son is something of a renaissance person. He studies engineering but is also a remarkably talented artist. He’s working on a rendering of his grandfather’s face, draped in Buddhist prayer flags. We are a blended faith family, I raised him in the Christian tradition, but he knows that his Buppa is a Buddhist and his faith is important to him.
“Oh, Ryan!” I said when her sent me a picture of his work in progress, “Your grandpa loves prayer flags, you know why?” He did not and wanted to know more. I explained that prayer flags look flimsy to some people because there is no hem sewn along the sides. So as the flags flap in the wind, not only are prayers carried along, but the threads tend to get pulled out of the flag. Eventually if the flag is left out long enough, it no longer looks much like a flag, and that is a spiritual reminder of impermanence. His grandfather loves that simple reminder.
I told him all this through tears I could not hold back. I am of the conviction that it’s alright to do such a thing, to cry in front of my child. It sets a good emotional example. It also let him know how precious his artwork is.
Prayer flags, a far gentler reminder of one’s mortality than saying “no one gets out of this world alive,” right?
Still we wonder……life on this earth is not forever…. ok, what’s next after that?
There is this really weird scripture in the Christian tradition, Jesus says in John 14:1-2 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many mansions, and I go to prepare a place for you.”
Mansions? In a House? Totally weird. Or perhaps not. My personal understanding is that he’s speaking of different planes of existence.
One Universal notion about life after death is……. that there is life after death. That our life force, this life energy that we all posses does not simply disappear when we die….. it is transformed or changed.
Even science agrees to an extent, the laws of thermodynamics state that energy cannot be destroyed.
So, when someone passes, our work becomes that of getting to know our loved ones in this new way. To my mind, that work has a name and it is called grief. In this time of pandemic, we are all grieving one thing or another, I promise you.
So here are a few things to keep in mind during the spiritual work of grief:
Let us allow the God of our individual understanding provide us strength and comfort through the trying experience of grief.
But also let us not judge ourselves or others harshly if we question our faith or ask….. "Where is God in this situation ?" It is normal to do so as we grieve.
Let us understand that grief is an individual experience, and everybody expresses grief in different ways, from tears to laughter and everything in between.
Let us be candid about what is going on, to resist easy answers or explaining away the agony of those who grieve. In this way, we support each other in cultivating a deeper and truly authentic understanding of the Divine.
And let us present for each other as we grieve. It is not easy at times, because people may say things we don’t agree with in grief, or during a pandemic. We may want to “correct” them.
Being a calm, loving presence amid grief is one of the finest ways we can answer the question, “Where is God in this situation?”
Without words, our actions state, “Right here.”
I thank you for reading, be blessed this day.
PS: I bring glad tidings of great joy. We will resume our hospital chapel service, digitally, via Web Ex. on Tuesdays at 10:30 a.m. If you cannot make it, they will be recorded and be available on the hospital intranet. I will also continue to post here weekly, on a different topic. Look to your hospital email inbox for more details.
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