The one that has helped me the most is to remember…..when someone is upset or pointing a finger at me…..it’s almost never about me!
There is this interesting thing that people tend to ask each other as the holidays approach. Perhaps it is simply small talk, or is it more?
We say to each other are you ready for…………..fill in whatever impending holiday is close at hand. Nervous laughter often ensues
And this time of year, there are so many holidays just around the corner, from around the world. Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Christmas, New Years, and Bodhi Day, to name some.
They all have something in common. These are occasions for families, or family of choice to gather.
Now, in the unlikely event you have perfectly harmonious relationships with every single one of your kin all of the time, you may be excused from this chapel service. But before you go …..really take a moment to think about it, first. Chances are SOMEBODY in your family does or says SOMETHING from time to time that gets under your skin.
Marjorie Pay Hinckley, wife of Gordon B. Hinckley – longtime President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had this keen observation about families that could explain some of the awkward dynamics of family holidays. She said, “Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.”
More recently, my good friend and San Antonio Pastor Rev. Erika Wilson gave this sage advice to her congregation. She said, “If you think you have got yourself together spiritually, try spending a week with your family during the holidays.”
Not to pick on mothers, this gem that Erma Bombeck shares could be true of Dads, Grandparents, Uncles and Aunts. She states: “When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it's a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”
George Burns once said: “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family… in another city.”
So, are we all doomed? Are we to never be ready for the holidays? Are we to walk on eggshells with each family gathering? Not at all. It can help to keep a few things in mind.
The one that has helped me the most is to remember…..when someone is upset or pointing a finger at me…..it’s almost never about me! Often agitated people are seeing something that has nothing to do with me or who I am. I remember to not take things personally and let someone drag me down into their inner chaos.
I also try to be a good friend to myself. Much of the dynamics that go on during the holidays are rooted in the painful memories of the past. I remind that part of me that was hurt that “You are loved. You are enough.”
Another helpful thing is simply taking a nice cleansing breath before responding to something someone has said, and waiting…..sometimes, time fixes things better than I can.
And most of all….I try to remember. Remember the REASON for the season. Holidays have different stories and rationales, but the underlying universal principle is that of the power that brings us together and has the potential to harmonize our relationships: LOVE.
Love has remarkable characteristics as described in the Christian Scriptures 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Am I ready for the holidays? Well, it depends. If you are speaking of all the food being purchased, and wonderful place settings, and the perfect gifts…..probably not. I rarely am. But this year, I plan to have the most important thing at the ready for all my family gatherings. Lots and lots of love.
I thank you for reading and be blessed this day.
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